The Socialization Myth

One of the main anti-homeschool arguments used is “Your child won’t get proper socialization if you homeschool.” Getting proper socialization is also one of the main concerns of those new to homeschooling or those considering homeschooling. So, let’s talk about socialization.

Socialization is the act of being social. Being social is interacting with others. That means that when your child talks to the librarians at the library or the cashier at the store, they are socializing. When they play with other kids at the playground or ride bikes with the neighborhood kids, they are socializing.

There are many opportunities for homeschooled children to socialize with others. You can sign them up for sports, community theater, dance class, scouts, 4-H, band or choir, etc. Some public schools allow homeschooled children to be involved in the school sports, band, choir, and drama productions. Many areas have community sports teams, theater, bands, and choirs that your child can join. If you attend church, you can look into getting them into the church choir & pageants. Some areas with large homeschool communities have homeschool bands, choirs, etc. Homeschool groups and co-ops are also great social opportunities for your child.

Many museums have classes for kids. Some have afterschool classes; some have classes during the day, just for homeschoolers. Public libraries often have activities for kids. Some colleges have classes for kids, usually in the summer.

Homeschooled kids can still play with the neighborhood kids, go to birthday parties, have sleepovers, talk on the phone, email their friends, and have penpals. They can do all the same social activities that public & private school students do.

Many people bring up school dances, games, and the graduation ceremony as things that homeschooled kids will miss out on. Well, most school games are open for the community to attend, as well as the students. Some people attend school dances, and don’t enjoy them. Some people miss out on school dances, and don’t regret it. Large homeschool groups or co-ops often hold dances for the kids, so they don’t automatically have to miss out on dances, if they want to attend. Some homeschool groups and co-ops also hold graduation ceremonies to which you can invite friends & family. If your group doesn’t hold graduation ceremonies, you can still have a party for your child, with family & friends present, to celebrate their completion of high school. You can even do your own little ceremony, at the party, where you hand your child their diploma, and you and/or your child can give a speech about your homeschool experience & their future plans.

Children do not have to miss out on social opportunities just because they are homeschooled. Homeschooled children have the opportunity to socialize with kids of all ages, as well as with adults. Many homeschooled children feel completely comfortable conversing with adults & children. They can socialize with people of various backgrounds – race, religion, financial backgrounds, etc.

Homeschooled children are not the sheltered children so many people imagine. They are not hidden away from society, never exposed to the outside world. In fact, because they don’t spend 6 hours a day in school, an hour on the bus, and another 2 or 3 hours on homework, they have more time to socialize than their public & private school peers. They often spend that extra time exploring their interests and doing volunteer work. They spend time in structured social activities and unstructured activities.

Due to the fact that they socialize with such a variety of people, of all ages, they are often more prepared for college socialization & the real world beyond school. While some socializing does take place in public schools, it’s mainly with people within a few years of the child’s age. In the real world, you do not interact only with people your age.

Another plus to homeschool socialization is that you have more control over & knowledge of who they socialize with. When a child goes to public school, they are often around some bad influences. Even if you tell them that you don’t want them hanging out with a certain person, you can’t guarantee that they won’t spend time with that person at school. If you homeschool, you are more likely to know each of the kids your child spends time with. You can more easily enforce rules about who you don’t want them around. So, you have to worry less about them being around people who have a negative influence on them. This allows them to be more confident in who they are before dealing with peer pressure to have sex, do drugs, drink, etc. The more confident they are in themselves, and the better they know themselves, the less likely they are to buckle to peer pressure.

So, not only can homeschooled kids be just as social as their public & private school peers, they often deal with less negative socialization than their public & private school peers. Their sense of self is not dependant on those around them, but instead based on who they really are.

In fact, one of the biggest problem homeschoolers face, when it comes to socialization, is over-scheduling. Some people are so concerned with making sure their kids get plenty of socialization that they end up with activities scheduled for every day of the week. Many get burned out trying to fit in school work, housework, errands, co-ops, sports, dance, scouts, 4-H, and more. Some have decided to limit the number of extra-curricular activities that their kids can be involved in, allowing only a certain number per child at a time. That way, they don’t spend all their time running around to different activities. Each family has to decide how many activities they can fit comfortably into their schedule.

While socialization is a common argument used by anti-homeschoolers, veteran homeschoolers often laugh when it is brought up. We look at our lives, all the activities our kids are involved in, all the friends they have, and can’t help but laugh at the idea that our kids are not socialized. There are so many social opportunities available to homeschoolers that there is no reason to fear your child won’t get socialization. Contact a local homeschool group. Even if you don’t want to join, they’ll likely be able to give you a large list of social activities available for homeschoolers in your area.

We’ve all heard about “that one homeschool family” that someone knows. The one that does shelter their kids, and don’t allow much socialization. Those families do exist, but they are the exception NOT the rule.